Unfortunately, I couldn’t really help him. But in the meantime, my video editing skills have improved. So with the power of windows movie maker at my fingertips, I invited him down to rip the original off YouTube, and do some video magic.

I knew his earlier versions were quite crude, so we didn’t sway much from his original vision of quite a disgusting little chat between old pals.

The end result — while I’m sure could easily be topped on a crudeness scale, but will still be offensive to some — actually turned out not bad.

Hope you enjoy!

Part 1:

and Part 2:

I remember reading about his bizarre semi-autobiographical movie Maidstone, and his fight with actor Rip Torn involving hammers and ear-biting. Now, of course, it’s just a YouTube query away:

By: Ryokan

According to shocked, eye-witnesses:

Irritated security stewards could only look on as both (Ron and Keith) flouted the ban on smoking in enclosed public places.

One audience member said of the scene: “Richards looked around nonchalantly, lit up a fag and had it dangling from his mouth as he played a solo.

“He didn’t seem to care and kept smoking for at least five minutes.”

Shouldn’t Keith at least of had his dick hanging out while smoking for this to be news? I mean, the Rolling Stones smoke a cigarette on stage is worthy of headlines? Let’s chill out folks.

Have a drink. Relax.

Anyway, I love the fact that at most concerts these days it’s more acceptable to smoke pot than a cigarette. Guess I should be happy…

All this shamelessly stolen from the Thought Bucket, because Jack Turner is that good!

Doctors thought the strange, bleeding bumps on Aaron Dallas’ head might be from gnat bites or shingles. Then the bumps started moving.

A doctor found five active bot fly larvae living beneath the skin atop Dallas’ head.

‘I’d put my hand back there and feel them moving. I thought it was blood coursing through my head,’ Dallas told the (Glenwood Springs) Post Independent.

‘I could hear them. I actually thought I was going crazy.’

‘When I saw him again, it was pretty obvious something else was going on,’ said Dr. Kimball Spence, who could see the spots moving on Dallas’ head. ‘There’s an open pit. You see a little activity, not necessarily the larvae, but a fluctuation of the fluid in the pit.’

[Dallas’ wife, Midge Dallas] told him, ‘I will love you through your maggots,'’ she told the newspaper.

President Bush has signed an order that allows the U.S. government to block the assets of any person or group that threatens the stability of Iraq.

The order exempts the United States.

As Juan Cole notes, “Either the VOA copy writer is a little clueless or this person has a wicked, dry sense of humor.”

See the movie’s page, and its sources to get a sense of where it’s coming from… I’m not much on 9/11 ‘conspiracies’ — not because I think such evil is beyond the present gang of murdering, torturing criminals, but because I simply do not believe the Cheney Administration could have pulled off such a dazzling, flawless operation. But Wikipedia’s apparent disregard for materials that are not rendered “notable” by recognition from “official” sources is troubling. At best, it betrays a tremendous insecurity about its status. By suggesting that online cinema is not significant, aren’t they reinforcing the position of the Michael Gormans of the world, that online resources are inherently inferior?

So let’s try to rectify that situation with this link to an “Apple Insertion” on eFukt.com.

I warn you, the link is far from work safe. In fact, it’s likely work dangerous, as are all of the postings on eFukt.

So if you’re feeling adventurous, check out the apple insertion.

According to this service, we’ve got a lot of work to do.

And if you thought that sucked, wait till you get a load of this - The Escape (MP3)

According to a recent UN report, Canada tokes at 4 times the world average:

Canadians use marijuana at four times the world average, making Canada the leader of the industrialized world in cannabis consumption, a recent United Nations report found.

The 2007 World Drug Report by the UN Office on Drugs and Crime says that 16.8 per cent of Canadians aged 15 to 64 smoked marijuana or used another cannabis product in 2006. The world average is 3.8 per cent.

But it looks like we have some serious smoking to do if Canadians really want to take on the world leaders in marijuana consumption:

In the report, Canada ranks fifth in the world for marijuana use, behind Ghana at 21.5 per cent, Zambia, 17.7 per cent, and Papua New Guinea and Micronesia with 29 per cent each.

Anyone up for a trip to Micronesia?

Until then, why don’t we shake this square world and blast off for Kicksville:

Do you want Carl Sagan, George Bush, MTV, FOX and Esquire to tell you what reality is or are you willing to join the ranks of fellow psychonaut travelers going to places where no man has gone before?

The end result of course displays my raw technical skills, but the video also overflows with the untapped creativity of a talented young artist just waiting to break free from the shackles of our oppressive and rigid society.

So sit back, relax, and groove with LTJ Bukem, MC Conrad, and the fine visual effects of Rick Swerve in “LTJ Elderly” — HotnStinky’s first contribution to the venerable YouTube universe.